The day I dared to be truly naked

Why did I do Stay Naked?

All I knew was that I couldn't go on living the same life. I was trembling with fear. The "right" life no longer made sense. I remembered my true self, which I had put on a shelf so many years ago. I said: why am I where I'm not wanted? On paper, everything was in order: family, children, business, money. But it was someone else's life. I was dying to live my own life, according to my own standards and values. But at almost 40, I had no experience living alone, and that's when I felt like a teenager for the first time. The fears, uncertainties, and many internal battles: should I stay or go, could I manage on my own, am I worth anything on my own, or do I really need my partners?

Sanction amidst chaos

That's how my journey toward mental and spiritual healing began. I had to summon the courage to do it despite everything people around me had told me my whole life. Things went from bad to worse in a matter of months. The more I thought about it, the less meaning life, actions, principles, family, and values ​​made. Everything came to the surface, and I questioned everything at once. "Why?" was the key word, like a three-year-old asking everything and wanting to know everything at the same time. Searching for answers, I quickly realized that no one knows the answers to my questions, and everyone pulls you toward what benefits them.

The talks by the most famous psychologists on YouTube only left me more confused. According to them, everything I knew about myself and everything I had was wrong. Mantras like "I am enough" or "the law of attraction" didn't really make sense to me. All that resonated was the idea of ​​having my goal or objective physically and visually present. That is, written down and hung somewhere visible in my house to refocus my energy on what was important to me. Without meaning to, I started creating phrases to put on the refrigerator, written on any scrap of paper I could find with any pencil, pen, or marker. Every few days or weeks, the goal would change, and so would my phrases.

“Silence about your inner struggles only prolongs the suffering; seek safe spaces to express yourself.”

My instinct made me distance myself from everyone. I was already alone here in Mexico (my family is scattered all over the world). Now, for the first time in my life, I allowed myself to be truly alone: ​​without friends, without family, without colleagues, in silence, without the external "noise." I thought that was freedom. It was another form of confinement.

I discovered how dangerous this way of thinking is; it's a double-edged sword. I don't recommend it to anyone. This place led me to some very dark moments in my journey.

I talked to myself. I slept fitfully. I stopped answering messages. I stopped showering. I stopped waiting.

Today, I can say that silence is good for taking stock of what truly matters, without anyone's hidden agenda. But if you don't handle it well, you end up wanting to disappear. And that's exactly what happened to me.

Suicide. I'm afraid to mention it, and I'm crying as I write these words because it hurts to the very core of my being.

When you think about suicide, the first thing people tell you is that it's "selfish." Well, for me, it was the most accurate definition of what I was trying to achieve: to think of myself, not them. It was the first time I wanted to choose myself. But from the darkest place.

My mind created a whole logic, with reasons why I should do it. I was free, without restrictions, with no one to stop me.

Yes, I tried.

And I didn't leave.

If you're reading this right now and have doubts, please stop. Remember that you still love yourself. Because you care about yourself. This thought stems from the pain of seeking external acceptance/approval. Your worth lies within you, the same worth you give yourself. If you don't see it right now, just keep reading. And if you can't read, breathe. Sometimes, that in itself is an act of love.

“Empathy towards yourself is just as crucial as the empathy you give to others.”

The question that changed everything

At ErosGay, we always ask models: "What is your essence?" so we can convey it in the photos and then in messages of value to the public. After almost 30 published photoshoots, in one of the interviews, I mentioned to the interviewee that sometimes models don't know how to answer when I ask them, "What is your essence?" That night, in bed, as I replayed the same conversation in my head, I asked myself: "Do you know what your essence is?" Philosophical thoughts began swirling in my mind, followed by questions like: "Why am I alive?", "Why all the chaos?", "What is my purpose here?" Literally: "To be born, bust my ass my whole life, and die?" I was very depressed the next day. I couldn't find the answers to such basic questions. I spent a long time analyzing my own behavior, when I felt most in character, and why.

That's when I realized I enjoyed empowering the people around me. Bringing out the best in them. Some call it being "vitamin people."

That's how Stay Naked was born.

That night I got out of bed at midnight to get a glass of water and noticed my most recent phrase. These phrases, the ones I created for myself, will surely work for others. If my essence is to empower people and help them, in my opinion, with what matters most, it's helping them grow at their own pace with these same phrases. But giving them to them in the style and with the aesthetic of ErosGay.

I didn't sleep that night. The squirrel in my head wouldn't stop running. By morning, I had the whole attack plan ready for execution. I had a problem: when I started reading my sentences, I saw that they were written in a very personal way and weren't applicable to the general public. It took me a while to restructure them so they wouldn't lose their essence and could resonate with most people.

I remember when I was designing the cards and reading the phrases one by one, recalling the internal process behind each one. I ended up screaming all day and with a splitting headache. That day I was overjoyed, knowing that these phrases could help more people, just as they helped me.

A reminder for you (as it was for me)

We all have our daily lives. Chaos sometimes makes us lose sight of our perspective, and our internal processes are prolonged, interrupted, or paralyzed. We forget what's important and begin to see only the negative, which leads to depression and emotional distress, making us think that everything in our lives is wrong.

Choose the phrase that best describes your current situation. Place it somewhere visible in your home so you see it at least twice a day. I hope it helps you as much as it helped me. My journey was much longer simply because I didn't know how to put these powerful tips into words.

And remember:

“Every emotional scar tells a story of survival and resilience; honor your journey.”